BirthGirlz are.....
Strong Women, Independent Thinkers, Renegades or Closet Rebels, Birth Junkies, "Surprise" Parents, Home Birthers, Hospital Birthers, and Super Mamas Everywhere!
BirthGirlz are busy......
Having babies, Raising families, Feeding people, Teaching, Learning, Organizing, Building community, Questioning everything, and Creating a revolution one birth at a time!
Dana is a BirthGirl!
What's your name? Dana Quick
Who's in your family? Partner, Monica; daughter, Josie; son, Stuart
Where do you live? Miami, FL -- transplanted from Ohio
Why do you want to be a BirthGirl? I believe every woman should be able to labor and birth as she chooses -- whether that's in a hospital or at home. I also believe that every woman should have the opportunity to make INFORMED decisions about birth instead of just accepting the status quo.
What kind of prenatal care did you choose, why, and would you make the same choice again? For Stuart, I chose a midwife because I knew the standard OB would not be able to give me the quality of care or birth that I wanted. I would absolutely choose a midwife again.
Where and how did you birth?
Josie: Our daughter is adopted, we weren't there for her birth but we've been there for every life event since we brought her home at 5 months of age.
Stuart: I labored for 24+ hours at a birth center with my partner, doula, midwife and her assistant. After fully dilating and pushing for hours we transferred to a hospital when I was unable to push him out due to his ascynclitic position. Both my midwife and the OB at the hospital tried to re-position him unsuccessfully. Stuart eventually arrived by c-section.
How is being a mama different than you thought it would be? Something you learn with kids is that the best laid plans often go awry because kids have a great ability to muck things up. I'm still trying to learn that lesson -- Stu's birth, for example, was supposed to be this wonderful, unmedicated, totally natural, earthy, granola, let's-hold-hand-and-sing-Kumbaya experience ... BUT I ended up with everything I didn't want: an i.v., epidural, c-section with 5 days in the hospital for me and 10 for Stu. Kids have their own agendas, even in the womb apparently.
What secret do you wish someone had told you before you were a mama? Each child is a learning experience. Just because you have one or two or a dozen doesn't mean that you are any more or less equipped to deal with them.
How do you think our culture views pregnancy, birth and motherhood? I think girls and young woman are fed the comedic pickles 'n ice cream pregnancy followed by the slap stick, foreshortened labor and birth that is depicted in movies and on TV. They are in no way exposed to the reality that an unaugmented labor can be both long and hard, but also beautiful and worth the work. They have been given no tools to foster their belief that a woman's body can both grow and birth a baby without a lot of intervention. It's really unfortunate that most women never have any exposure to a real birth until they give birth themselves.
Do you consider yourself an activist for causes you care about? Why or why not? Yes in general. My current work involves helping other women, and myself, deal with birth trauma and post partum mood disorders. I suffered horribly after Stu's birth but I believe it could have been shortened or made less severe if I would have had access to local resources. In conjunction with BirthGirlz, I am forming a local support group, Shades of Blue, which I hope will allow other women to have earlier support and access to resources.
Where do you work and do you get paid? I am an attorney.
Do you feel supported in your choices about your family's lifestyle? I guess that depends on where I am looking for support. My family has a wonderful support system in Miami of like-minded mamas. But beyond that, I'm reminded quite regularly that not everyone has the same or similar views on motherhood, birth, or family that I do.. This is not such a unique situation for us to be in since, as a lesbian couple, my partner and I do not find a lot of support for our "lifestyle" in the greater community. Our family planning choices are severely curtailed by statutes, and now constitutional amendments, that have a direct impact on our ability to protect and grow our family. For example, my partner and I can foster parent all the children we want (which we have done in the past and intend to do again in the future), but we are not currently able to adopt any children under any circumstance in Florida due to a statute that prohibits gays from adopting (note: my daughter was adopted in Ohio, not Florida). Nor can we sufficiently protect our children and keep them together, should one or both of us die, because we cannot marry.
How do you want your children to think of you as a mama? That I work very hard to support them and to give them the kinds of opportunities that I never had. I also hope they realize that while I can't be the kind of mom that comes to every PTA meeting, soccer game or play date, that I don't love them any less than those mothers who can. I think my children are fortunate in that they get the experience of having both a mother who stays at home, my partner, and a mother who works outside of the home.
What is the best thing anyone has ever done for you? Having given birth now myself, I think the most selfless act I have ever experienced was when my sister signed over her parental rights so that we could adopt Josie.
Bottles or breasts? Both. I nurse when I'm home and pump while at work. So mostly he's getting breast milk, either in a bottle or straight from the tap. We are having to supplement a bit with formula because I am not able to pump enough during the day to meet Stu's needs.
What other question should we have asked you? I don't have a question in mind, but more of a statement. I've talked with a lot of women who have had c-sections, both before and after I had mine.. Those that have expressed dissatisfaction or remorse about it always relate their feelings to the fact that they believed the c-section was unnecessary. Someone along the way told me that at least I know my c-section was necessary -- and it was truly necessary, but that doesn't make it any less devastating, disappointing, or traumatic. I don't believe the medical community understands or appreciates that a c-section, needed or not, can have a deep psychological impact. More education is needed to help these professionals understand the non-physical effects of this procedure.
